How to Learn to Play Golf

A fairly new friend of mine invited me to play golf with him many years ago. I did not really know much about the game but, it was getting to be necessary for me start playing for politics at work. Will Doornail is a stout, outgoing very likable guy. He is a heck of a writer and I was just starting to do that for both work and my own pleasure.

I didn't like the pretentiousness of most of the "golfers" I'd met. I thought it would be fun to go golfing with Will. It was.

Will set us up at a nice public course on a Sunday afternoon. I remember thinking how nice it was outside and how beautiful the course was. I could get used to this. Two of his buddies from work joined us in the foursome. Ironically, one of them, Leland, works for me now as a security guard

I was the first one up on the first tee. Will was patient and great at explaining the rules. More important was the etiquette, of which I had no clue. After teeing up and hitting a lousy slice not very far down the fairway, I headed off walking down the right side.

"Whoo, whoo whoo!," Will yelled at me. "Where do you think you're going."

He was good natured about it but, explained that a golfer never leaves the tee box ahead of everyone else in his foursome. He said it just wasn't done and more importantly you could get hit by a 90 mph golf ball. I got it. Thanks for the info, brother.

We finished up the first hole, a par 4, which I made in about 12 strokes.

At the second hole, Will stepped up to the tee. He wiggled around for a while, adjusted his grip and made a couple of practice swings. I could see I knew nothing about golf yet. I could use some tips from "Tiger" Doornail!

Will had a beautful swing, a picture of grace and athleticism. The follow-through of the swing was perfect. He kept his head down as he had instructed me to and I was to spot his shot for him.

"Well, where did it go? Right down the middle, right?"

"Uhh, no. It went off to the right about 50 yards down, up against that pine tree."

Will uttered a couple of words I didn't quite understand. They did have a religious connotation. I did pick up that much.

Will started walking down the right side of the fairway.

"Whoo, whoo whoo! Where are you going? I thought you told me you weren't supposed to leave the tee box ahead of the group!"

Will keep on going and yelled over his shoulder, "Its okay. I'm just going to find my ball so I don't hold up the group behind us." I found that interesting because I hadn't given the first thought to the idiots behind us yelling, "Hurry up amatures! You're holding everybody up!"

I stepped up to the tee, now feeling a little pressure. I didn't think my swing was too hot but, the ball and club made a distintive "tink" when they made contact. I'm not too quick, so I didn't realize what was happening at first. It was headed in a long curve right for Will.

Everyone yelled, "Four!" I joined in.

Will turned just in time to see what was happening. He raised his right arm in a defensive move. If he'd had a catchers mitt, he'da caught it.

He caught it all right. He looked like he'd been hit with a shotgun slug. It was all in slow-motion. His feet came off the ground. His arms and legs felled out uselessly. He looked like he'd been jerked straight backwards at the end of a giant's lasso.

We all ran to his aid. The other guys wanted to call 9-1-1. I was just laughing as Will looked at me like I was crazy. He wasn't able to breath yet. His thumb and half of his right hand was black. Not blue, not purple. Black. We undid his shirt and there was a black bruse the size of a football. At least there were shades of blue and purple around the perimeter of the wound.

"Walk it off. Walk it off, you big baby! Didn't you just get through telling me to NOT walk out ahead of the group? I don't want to hear any excuses now!"

After he was finally able in inhale, Will got up and slowly walked to the next tee. Leland picked up his ball for him. I should have let him keep my ball. That would have been a keeper.

That's the day I learned to play golf. I am forever grateful to Will for his unforgettable object lesson. I have never again walked out in front of the rest of my group while golfing. Ever.